Wednesday, October 22, 2008

So Euro

Erik and I are currently in England. Leeds to be exact. For the last five weeks we have been traveling through Europe. In those five weeks I've noticed a visual trend in my European peers. A peculiar visual genre or look. A cross between Emo and Metro. Something I'd like to call 'Euro.'

Here are three main characteristics of the 'Euro' trend. The keystone pieces of the Euro culture.

1. The Euro Scarf.
Throughout history few men have successfully donned the commonly feminine winter-ware known as the scarf.

Steven Tyler
(Rock god), Snoopy (a beagle), and maybe Luke Skywalker (from the beginning of 'Empire Strikes Back') are in a rare class of male scarf advocates. A dedicated few who live by their own rules and rock the demasculine neck sleeve (though one could argue Luke Skywalker should be exempt because a). he's from another galaxy and b.) he's a bit of a whiny queen throughout the whole Star Wars saga).
For the rest of the male population, scarves have always been a no-go, like easy bake ovens...and jellies.
Or so I thought.

Europeans embrace the scarf. Like tea and techno, they can't have enough scarves. Winter scarves, summer scarves, Barmitzvah scarves, you name it, they'll wear a scarf to it.
However, unlike a regular scarf, the Euro Scarf is popular with both the female and male population.

2. The Euro Mullet.
All trends fade, but only a few completely die. The mullet should be one of the latter.
After David Bowie introduced us to Ziggy Stardust and 'Labyrinth' humanity was lulled into a mullet frenzy. Everyone and their children had mullets (yes, I too was once a five year old sporting the latest mullett fashion..thanks mom and dad). It wasn't until the early 90's when Billy Ray Cyrus's Achy Breaky Heart convinced us how 'uncool' mullets actually were.

No one thought the mullet would make a comeback. But thanks to Euro technology, it's back and longer than ever. There are two new models. The first mullet is a sleeker, more airstreamed design. Hair dye is commonly used to destract the eyes, but don't be's still a mullet.

The second is a by-product of the faux-hawk...a by-product of the mohawk. After the slow demise of the faux-hawk, some Europeans let their hawks grow wider and wider until suddenly it transformed into a neo-mullet.

Thankfully, these new mullets have yet to make their trip overseas. Hopefully, if we work together we can keep this trend to the 80's and gun shows.

3. The V-Neck.
What once was thought of as a clothing item saved for clevage and sailors, V-necks are now attracting a larger audience. They are the staple of any Euro style.Vintage band v-necks are regarded especially high in most Euro circles. Nothing says "I'm hardcore" like a pale skinny white guy wearing tight pants and a Wu-Tang v-neck shirt...highlighting an erratic patch of chest hair.

Euro Scarves are a usual companion to any v-neck tshirt. Further proof that style is decided not by weather or comon sense, but by d-bags like this:

Like the Euro Scarf and the Neo-Mullet, V-Neck's are cornerstone to current Euro style, and should be regarded as strictly European. So, let's keep our shirts high and our necks cold or someday our children will be asking us why they look like Captain Planet in their 2nd grade class photos...and no one deserves that.


NICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said...

I totally own some Haines v-neck tshirts

Googunplux said...
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